Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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