okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
