I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
