the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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