Apparently you make a good broom.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
