Moan for me like Helen Keller
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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