Just mADE A PArabola og urine
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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