Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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