If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
