Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
