he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
