why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
tell me about the eggs
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