i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
