I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
