I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
FUCK WHALES
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
