When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
