am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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