WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
