the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
