didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
