i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
