Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
