I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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