I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
