1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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