Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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