she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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