Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
