what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
