If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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