Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
