worst night to have a conscience
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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