I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
