Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Found your dick twin last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
