She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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