When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
