Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
