and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
