I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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