So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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