all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
