i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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