The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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