Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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