Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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