Just fell off a train. Bad.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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