Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
