12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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