I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
