she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i need some magic done to my vagina
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
