dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Rumble strips road head = magical
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
