i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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