all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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