Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
