You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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