and she was petting her beer can
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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