Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
